So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
