thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
