When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize