It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
