Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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