So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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