Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Text me some of your sweat
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