Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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