she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
