Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize