I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
