if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
