I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
