so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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