the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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