im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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