The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I party with great urgency now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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