I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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