He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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