Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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