I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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