my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize