He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
