Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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