Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
