He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i would one night stand the shit outta him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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