Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize