what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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