I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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