Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
