i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
