Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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