You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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