I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
