So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
