What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
