I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize