We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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