6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
