It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
