Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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