JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
