I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
