First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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