I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
