I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
