I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
