chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
