just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
