I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
