You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
