His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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