Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
