Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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