I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
