Just cropdusted the office
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize