SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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