I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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