You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
