New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
