i think my tv is drunk
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
false alarm. still invincible.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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