you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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