mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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