I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
