the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
