its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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