I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
