My balls are so social today.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
