I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
