I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
