Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
