just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
